The Unstoppable Foe
by someforeignguy
Summary: The superheroes have always fascinated Warren Gauss; but when he angers the Juggernaut of all people, he needs to find the help of someone to stop this raging god from destroying all of his stuff. How hard can that be, right?
1. Making Toast

Warren Gauss stared at his toaster in ultimate assurance. He knew that in a few short moments; warm, crunchy toast would sprout forth from the machine like divine mana, and that he would get to eat this wondrous permutation of bread, after a liberal coating of butter. This office drone knew that in his middle-aged state; he should probably watch out for unhealthy things like these, but he had a saying. "Better to die young with a good taste in one's mouth, than to live choking on fiber." It was a good saying, and it had sustained him for many years.

*PING*

Up came the toast; tan and beautiful as an Egyptian goddess. Cautiously, our hero grabbed the toast and put it on a plate nearby.

"Didn't even burn myself that time." He mentally mused, all while reaching for a butter knife in order to spread delicious, fatty goodness on the unadorned toast. When that deed was done, Warren stared at his creation. Our master chef wasn't done quite yet. After a short trip to the fridge; the toast received a liberal smattering of peanut-butter, followed by an even more liberal barrage of jelly. Eyeing this pearl of the breakfast table, the salesman knew that this was a thing that deserved to be eaten. He allowed it that privilege.

Walking out of his apartment, he checked his phone, which never failed to accrue text after text from relentless customers. Many were complaints about product shipments, others were requests to change orders. The "Thank You" note was like bigfoot; elusive, yet probably real. Warren left his apartment and headed for the Peerless Paste Company, his regrettable employer. The walk was short due to him finding the closest possible apartment to the squat office building. Ahead of him, in the distance lie the skyline of New York City. The explosions and all around chaos that the area was experiencing were probably another epic fight for humanity.

Warren was by no means against this kind of thing, as it would probably be harder to imagine life without it. Considering the blue lasers that would occasionally peek into the scenery, it was safe to say that Iron Man was today's protector of truth and justice. Though by the way the buildings would periodically collapse in a very messy and undignified death, it was possible that all of the Avengers were there. Warren loved to think about these things, being a quiet fan of superheroes since childhood.

The office worker made it to his destination; a grey building with a massive and eye-catching red sign that read Peerless Paint Co. Wasting no time entering, he made conversation with the way-too-young-to-have-this-kind-of-job receptionist.

"Anything interesting going on today, June?"

The girl dully looked back at the man and deadpanned, "Only another massive fight for the city."

With a hint of awkward nervousness, he replied, "Well... good then. Nice job."

Our hero then sat... and worked. All day. He may have stopped for lunch, or made a big sale; but that's unimportant, isn't it? Warren got off of work some time in the evening, with a major headache and the desire to watch whatever garbage was on TV tonight, he headed home.

Outside was mercifully beautiful, albeit hot and humid. Trudging home, the businessman could hear distant banging. It slowly got louder, and louder and finally, he just couldn't take it. He turned around. A crimson dot was approaching with definite malice. It batted cars and people away as insignificant pebbles, and looked bulky enough to do this.

Like a deer in headlights, Warren Gauss was staring down the Juggernaut.


	2. Becoming Toast

For an invincible death machine, the Juggernaut had a pretty bad headache. It started when he found himself in the middle of New York after a particularly bad run-in with the Hulk. What started as the intention to turn the green monster into a radioactive stain ended with him getting thrown into low-Earth orbit and crashing into the Atlantic ocean. It was a good thing that he landed off the coast of New York, or he might have been tempted to smash Stonehenge again. The Juggernaut hated Stonehenge. Don't ask why.

What's more, after the crimson villain decided to demolish some buildings to make himself feel better, Tony Stark decided to stop him. Tony Stark! Not only had this mouthy pipsqueak tricked him, he also had built an armor specifically for him! Did Tony know, or something?

The Juggernaut sighed. All of this was behind him now, as in a good thirty miles behind him. Running down the sidewalk and batting away bystanders, now this was where it was at. They all freaked out at the sight of a 10 foot tall behemoth, and some of the civilians were too busy listening to music or browsing the web to notice him, so he caught them by surprise.

Looking ahead, the muscle bound Goliath saw something... strange. It was a man, a scrawny one with rather silly glasses. Not scared or distracted, he just stared at the Juggernaut with this stoic expression on his face. The Juggernaut was very confused. Was this some sort of test by one of the many gods? Was this a god in disguise? Could it be some elaborate trap?

All in all, something very strange happened. The Juggernaut panicked; and in his panic, the invincible god did something that he would never have done.

He got out of the way.

In an instant; it was over, but this incident's memory was now a permanent stain in the giant's brain. His mind lingered on the mysterious man like an unwanted house guest. This was the first time he had ever gotten out of someone's way, and as a villain whose powers were plowing through everything; this had completely changed the way the Goliath thought about himself.

Even though he should have been having a blast, plowing through buildings, people, and eventually the occasional tree; the Juggernaut did not feel like the Juggernaut. He just felt like a big and rather silly Cain Marko.

Cain stopped, and fell backward, putting a fairly large dent in the ground. It was mucky underneath, and the trees rustled as if he were still crashing through them. The behemoth felt disgusted, defiled, sick. The only thing that could help him now would be to ask Cyttorak; the demonic source of the Juggernaut's power, for guidance.

Cain took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and then the world disappeared.

-  
Staring at the massive view in front of him, Cyttorak bore an expression of complete disappointment. The godlike demon had frequently thought of the Juggernaut as his greatest accomplishment; causing chaos and entertainment with creativity that astounded all of his divine peers. Being the god of unstoppability, other deities expected things of you, and by extension; your avatar. When the champion of Cyttorak did finally stop, it was for a mundane mortal. Cyttorak even checked for some sort of power attributed to this being, this Warren Gauss, but there was nothing special about him. It was just sad, and the other gods would most certainly laugh.

Then, the face of Cain Marko; his disgraced chosen one appeared as an astral projection. Cyttorak was about to give the Juggernaut the smiting of the eternity, but then the boy spoke.

"Lord Cyttorak, the source of my worldly powers, please guide me. I have failed you, and I seek guidance to make it right!"

The demon was taken aback. The man was... repentant? For Cyttorak, repentance was something that happened to other gods. "Err... yes. Yes! YES! YOU HAVE FAILED ME FOR FAR TOO LONG! AND, um... YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES MY BOY! DIRE ONES!"

By now, Cain was mortified. Through trembling words, he tried to retort. "But... but I want..."

"THERE IS NO RETURN, DISGRACED ONE, NOW... GIMME A MINUTE!" With that, the demon willed the projection away for a moment. Cyttorak was brewing a scheme in his head, one which would earn back the respect of the other immortals. The Lord of Unstoppability would need help though, and he knew just where to get it. He yelled once more to the heavens.

"Hey! Infinity! Get over here!" Moments passed. Nothing happened. Cyttorak made the mistake of blinking, and there she was, right in his face. The demon nearly jumped out of his throne.

In a snide tone, the yellow goddess of space announced herself. "Lady Infinity, at your service, great stoppable one."

"Seriously Infinity? Must we stoop to using cutting remarks?"

"After all of your gloating, it's the least I could do!" Infinity replied, happy to have already annoyed the red spirit. "What do you want me for?"

"I was wondering if maybe, if it were possible for you to... help my Avatar?" The space goddess adopted a look of confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Look, I know that the being that my Juggernaut avoided is Warren Gauss. I know who he is, but it is beyond my power to find him. Could you help me?" Cyttorak adopted a nervous smile. Infinity was not impressed.

"What do I get?"

"Um... well... you could watch the ensuing chaos, if you want." If the gods could sweat, that's what the demon of unstoppability would be doing now.

The goddess gave him a blank stare. "I'm the personification of space, I could watch it whenever I feel like it."

"But... you... could watch with... me?" The evil god's smile was beginning to falter. Infinity began to blush.

"Are you... asking me out?"

"Mmm... yes!" The demon said, thankful that divines couldn't read each other's minds. He was lying through his teeth, and had more of a crush on Gaea; but the red god was willing to do anything in order to get his way. For extra effect, the demon turned his throne into a loveseat and gestured for her to sit.

No one had ever told Infinity that they had loved her before, and her knee jerk reaction was extreme excitement. With a plop, she sat on the sofa. She inched closer to Cyttorak. "I guess I could... grant your herald an internal compass that leads to this Warren person?" The goddess inched closer and covertly grabbed Cyttorak's hand.

"Excellent! I'll inform my chosen one, and we can watch the events unfold! Won't that be, erm... romantic?" Infinity would have crushed the demon's hand, if it weren't for the fact that Cyttorak was invulnerable. Considering divine courting rituals were one of the more complicated things in the multiverse, the personification of unstoppability inadvertently became the envy of every higher being in existence.


End file.
